If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
