Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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