he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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