went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
