Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I could fuck to npr.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
