the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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