no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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