sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
