By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
