Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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