It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
