My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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