Acid is not a monday night drug
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
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he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
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speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
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