Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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