so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
