she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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