this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
