The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
