I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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