I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
