I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize