I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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