If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
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No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Two words: nipple clamps
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