took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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