Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
