i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
