ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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