If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
