We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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