my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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