she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
