I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize