I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
