dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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