I'll bet she douches with gravy.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
