just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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