i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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