So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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