i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
