My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
