My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I've blown a few things in my day
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
