I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
