I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
