I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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