I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
