some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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