y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
