the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
