I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
