At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
