I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
