I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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