lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
