mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
