I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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