Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
