shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
