i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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