dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
