It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
